I am....

I am............... oh, the things I can fill in here or what others could fill in for me.  There are lots of things I am not and probably will never be.  Aeronautical engineer, doctor, rocket scientist, just to name a few, and I am sure the list could go on for a long time.  So what am I?  I can say with great confidence that I am a mother of 4, a wife of 1 and a Christian.   So really what does that mean?  To be honest, I ask myself that a lot and really how do you measure success in any of the three?  I look at the examples.....the mom with tons of kids, everything under control and time for everything, the couple that has been married forever and still act like they just got married, the perfect Christian example of Christ.  The bar has definitely been set really high by those who came before me.  Really....what is one to do? 

I really think it all comes down to love.....just love.  Man, now I sound like someone out of the hippie era....don't I?   But seriously, I believe success in life can simply be measured by how much we love.  Think about it.  I remember the instant love I felt immediately after Andrew was born and I thought this is awesome and amazing.  This is true love in its purest form.  If this is even a small glimpse of how much God loves us....wow!  I thought there is no way I could love another as much as I love my precious baby boy....but boy, I was wrong, so wrong....Leah came, then Natalie, Nicholas and finally all the children I have met at orphanages throughout the years in Guatemala.   I love them all and they all have a special place in my heart...I know some of you probably think how in the world can you love someone you just met or have only spent 5-6 weeks with.  I guess my response to that would be, I don't know...it just happens.  It's crazy really to even fathom.  Love is there from the beginning but our sinful nature gets in the way all to often.  It's quite easy to love if we stop being so critical and selfish.  Let's face it....it's something we all want, we all crave.  Who doesn't want to be loved by someone?

So how do we love more.  I am not an author of some self help book or an expert on love by any means.  All I know is the less selfish I am, the more easy it is to love and in the end the better I feel and the better those around me feel. Just my thoughts....   

I really started thinking about the whole subject of love last night when Natalie came down after she was put to bed.  She looked at me with sad little teary eyes and tells me that she misses baby Edgar and she loves him so much.  She has done this at least once a day since we left Guatemala.  All I can do to make her feel better is hug her and love her and tell her I know how she feels because I do.  I hope and pray that one day she will get to see him again.  But unfortunately, I can't promise her that she will.  We just pray for him and stand assured that God is taking care of him wherever he is. 

So back to what I am?  Right now I am not who I struggle to be but I hope someday when I am an old feeble woman I can look back over my life and say with great confidence that...I am love.


♥If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
 
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.  For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.  When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
 
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13 (NIV)♥

Huh?

We made it to Florida last night.  It is probably a good thing that we decided to visit some family here for a few days before we head home.  There was a blizzard that hit Michigan yesterday and from the sounds of it a lot of snow, winds and drifting.  We noticed at the airport yesterday afternoon that tons of flights heading into Detroit and Chicago were cancelled, so we probably wouldn't have made it home yesterday anyways.  Rob is really thankful that he decided to park our van in the covered lot at the airport.  It was a couple of more dollars per day but now it appears to be well worth it, especially given that we didn't bring along a shovel to dig out the van.

I am sitting here waiting for Nick to wake up from his nap so we can join everyone else at the pool.  The weather here is in the 80's and we are definitely soaking it up!

So, it was definitely sad leaving Guatemala.  It's hard to even put it into words. 
It's really wierd....when we go in August with the church team we look forward to heading home because the kids are there, but since the kids were with us this time it felt like there was really no reason to even leave.  I remember we asked Pastor Jake awhile ago...how do you know if a calling is really a calling and not just something else?  He answered (I can't remember his exact words but it was something like this)....it is something that keeps popping up in different situations and everything seems to point you in that direction.  

While we were in Guatemala at the airport....just sitting there watching the airplanes and waiting for our flight an elderly woman from Pennsylvania came up to us and started up a conversation with us.  She asked us why we were in Guatemala and so forth and we asked her the same.  It appears that she was visiting her grandson or son (I can't recall which one) who works for an orphan resource agency in Guatemala and that he is from Michigan.....crazy huh?  So, are we really called to serve the orphans in Guatemala full time or is this just another one of those huh moments that we ignore again. 

All I can say is this, we are really motivated to pay off our remaining debt (thanks Dave Ramsey) and see what the future holds.  I have heard this twice this past week so I feel it quite fitting to include it here. 

"You will find success in life, when you stop trying to include God in your plans and instead ask God to include you in His!"  

So God, I am asking and praying for you to please include us in your plans....wherever they may lead....